Where is "Rock Bottom"?

How low can you go? How hard, is "hard"? I think this is something that gets continually redefined throughout our lives.

Mar 28, 2025

Have you ever hit what you thought was “rock bottom”? That place that seems as if things simply cannot get any worse? Where contemplating the idea of things deteriorating further than they already are just seems impossible?

Maybe it was a slow decline of some sort. Or a really major event that just upturned everything. Possibly, just this little thing here, then another thing over there, and it just kept snowballing until it seemed out of control and there was no way back to “before”.

It can be a mental thing, emotional, physical, financial, or any combination of all of them, and other things too. You can’t see your way out and feel like nobody could possibly understand. You wouldn’t be entirely wrong in feeling that way; we are all different and see things in different ways. What one person finds seemingly insurmountable, another one scoffs at (whether figuratively, or in actuality). And when it just keeps coming, one after another, overwhelming doesn’t begin to describe it.

Personally, I don’t know which thing in my life has been “rock bottom”. Maybe it’s literally NOW. But there are still things that I can hang small hopes on; it’s just that a lifetime of ups-and-downs one can be skeptical of doing so.

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Why Now?

I say now mostly because that’s the point where I’m living and experiencing things. The past is over, and there were some rough times there to be sure, but they are in the past.

Physical, mental and neurological issues are my problem, and haven’t been properly investigated yet. We tried last year, but it went nowhere; we will look at it again when I feel ready to confront it. But it all prevents me from earning an income from any job available locally.

Tom’s time off of work due to injury has brought us to the proverbial cliff that we may fall off of financially; his recovery requires another 2-3 months and he will be unable to return to his previous work as heavy duty mechanic. Sure, he’s studying his 5th class boiler/fireman’s certificate; but the next available exam date that isn’t too soon is in May and we can only hope to have enough money to get to the Regina location for him to write it.

In the meantime, what does one do? Certainly you don’t spend money except on the barest of essentials, and hope nothing rears it’s ugly head that needs addressing with cash. Apply for CPP Disability, of course, but their approval once all paperwork is submitted can take several months.

If even some money were available, we could both get treatment with Low-Level Laser Therapy. Judging from what we have found out about it, we could both be healed of most of our physical issues for under $1000. But living expenses need to come first, including keeping a vehicle on the road sufficiently to not break down. The truck needs a bit of an overhaul (ha, a “bit”, like it’s a small job…never!), even though it does run really well; high-mileage engines, no matter how good they are, still need work.

Despair not…

I won’t say I haven’t had those moments where it just feels too dark this last few years, especially in the last year. Where you feel like you are wallowing in some mudhole that won’t let go of you so you can climb out. Where it feels like the people who should be most equipped to help you, don’t take you seriously, don’t investigate in the right direction. Where one more thing laid on you will break your back (literally, in my case) and then it happens and you have to hold that weight and still function somehow. Where you have to make decisions to give up what you have been trying to work for and feel like all the work was for nothing, even when it was partly responsible for where you are right now.

But I look at the upcoming garden season as I always do, just one reason to still have some hope. Oh, it will be back-breaking labour for me and Tom, even if we find some help with part of it. And no matter what, we won’t get it all the way to where we want it; that is going to take a few years. We just need to be able to focus on it alot more than we have, and it will turn about quite a bit for us. We will need to find ways to work without money as much as possible, though around here alternative methods of gardening aren’t common; permaculture seems completely foreign to the way of things here. But it’s a road worth venturing forth on.

Your Takeaway

What do I want you to walk away with from this?

First, what is your rock bottom? Is that right now? Are you just coming out of it? Is there some ominous cloud on your horizon that you desperately hope is not going to rain on your parade?

Second, what do you have in your life that you can use to keep a grasp on sanity, that gives you that tiny spark of good in your day? Hold on to it! Because the smallest thing can truly save you from constant despair. Your pets are a huge thing in these times, if you have any. Hobbies. Time in nature, or reading a book, soaking in a nice hot bath, good food made with your own hands, a cup of tea. Slowing down, taking the off-ramp from the rat race.

Third, pay attention. To yourself. To things not so tangible. Just find a way to BE, and not think so hard and so much, all the time. This can take a little practice, and it really is different for everyone. I love to sit by the fire, indoors or out, and just not think. Let the flames suck my mind into nothingness. Or at times, just blank out, stare off into nowhere; it comes unbidden, but it seems to be a way my mind can reset itself.

If it sounds too simple, like there is no way that should work, just try it. The best part? It costs NOTHING. Just your time, and even if you feel like you don’t have time, do it anyway. The returns are incredible.